Loving Me
by Marte
Summary: Juliark! The final part of my trilogy about Julian and Clark from CP Coulter's Dalton!verse. Julian tries his hand at writing to express his feelings, and enlists the help of a couple of Dalton-boys to set his plan in motion.
1. Chapter 1

Juliark! This is the final part of my trilogy about Julian and Clark from CP Coulter's Dalton!verse. I am not completely satisfied with the second half of the story, I prefer the first half, but I couldn't get it right, so I just figured I'd put it out there and rather go back and change it later.

Disclaimer: All characters, names and nicknames, except Nero, belongs to CP Coulter, and I am grateful that I get to play with them. My deepest apologies goes to Jon McLaughlin for pretending Julian wrote his wonderful song "Loving Me." I know I shouldn't have done that, but the idea popped into my head and I couldn't help it. But now you all know where the credit's due: Jon McLaughlin! Go, check it out.

Okay, I think that's it. Oh, and for those of you having read the first two parts of the trilogy, I know I previously named the bandmember owning the ranch Eric, but I went back to change it after CP published the names of the other members of Haven. Enjoy.

And feedback to read in between studying for exams make me one happy girl. Good, bad, suggestions. Oh, and please let me know of any grammar mistakes. It's all welcome.

* * *

><p><em>Open up the center of my being<br>There's gotta be some room inside of me  
>I'm tired of trying to find a way to make it through these endless days<em>

The pale early morning light found Julian sitting on his bed surrounded by notepaper. One sun-ray in particular danced across a paper with _"You're loving me"_ scribbled at the top. He had woken in the wee hours of the morning, bursting with joy from finding out that he'd get his chance at happiness. Clark _liked_ him. Clark had said that _he_, Julian, had stolen his heart. Clark had written him a song. And now Julian was writing one of his own, trying to express how much Clark meant to him.

Having been subjected to the cynicism of the entertainment industry from birth, Julian had closed himself up early on. He rarely let his feelings show and he didn't trust easily. When he had gone to Dalton he had met Derek and Logan, who clearly didn't take his crap and who definitely did not suck up to him. It was a welcome change, and he soon believed himself in love with the temperamental blonde. With hindsight he recognized that he wasn't really in love with _Logan_, but with the _idea_of being with someone who didn't like him merely because of his celebrity status.

_Complacency is not enough for me  
>Constant thoughts of where I ought to be plague me<br>How could I be a fool so long when the only way I live at all_

Then he'd come out of his awkward-phase and been cast in Something Damaged, and his castmates had become his friends. All of a sudden being in Hollywood wasn't all about work but also about being with people he cared about. From then on he had often felt that he should have been in Hollywood when he was at Dalton and vice versa. He led this double life where no one really _got_ him. No one _really_ understood that other part of him, and everyone wanted all of him. _Almost_ everyone. Thinking back, Julian realized that no matter how stressed he was about pleasing everyone around him – his parents, his publicist and agent, his fans, his castmates, the Daltoneers – Clark was always _just there_, supporting him and hanging out with him without any expectations. Julian could be himself around Clark.

_Is You're loving me  
>It's Your grace that's so amazing<br>It's You're loving me_

The timer on the stove in the Stuart House kitchen showed 4:58 when Julian took two cups of newly brewed steaming hot coffee and went to knock – though quietly as to not wake up the rest of the house to its usual morning frenzy – on Bailey's door. He stood there for a good five minutes before he finally heard shuffling on the other side. Julian had to stifle a laugh at the sight of Bailey with his hair sticking out in all directions and his eyes barely open, but as the abruptly woken student raised his eyebrows, Julian held the cup of coffee under Bailey's nose and gestured to be welcomed inside. The other boy eagerly took hold of the cup, actually he pretty much yanked it out of Julian's hand, moved to let him inside, and waited for the actor to state his reason for waking him at this ungodly hour. - Though it should be said that Stuart House would be bustling with its coffee craving crazy early-birds in half an hour on a normal day anyway... Seeing what the coffee did to Bailey, Julian thought, not for the first time, that Stuart House with its coffee addicted students would be a prime place for shooting a coffee commercial showing the effects of a cup (or ten) in the morning.

"So, this is for Clark, huh?" was Bailey's response upon seeing the sheets that Julian shoved at him, saying that he needed to record the song immediately. Startled, Julian gave him a questioning look, which Bailey returned with an incredulous one. Bailey had always liked Julian, and having watched his own brother's self-destruction caused by his unrequited feelings for Logan, Bailey had hoped that Julian would be able to overcome his feelings for the prefect and move on. Having watched Julian and Clark, or 'Juliark' as Bailey and the Windsors had taken to calling them, in the time before and after Parent's Night, Bailey felt that Julian might have found his Knight, and was eagerly waiting for the brunette actor to connect the dots in his mind and realize what was right in front of him. That Julian was just as oblivious as Logan didn't pass Bailey unnoticed, but as he stood there watching the glowing actor, apparently turned songwriter, he was filled with a sense of contentment. They now had one less unhappy student at Dalton.

_I've tried to push distractions from my head  
>Oh, I try and try but find myself mislead<br>for I need Your hand to clear this road  
>I know I cannot bear this load<em>

Hours later Julian was driving down the Kansas country road, hood down on his rental car and Lady Gaga's latest hit blasting from the radio. As the music was winding down, the unmistakable voice of the radio host came on:

"Gaga's latest there, reaching you all on this sunny Wednesday morning. You are listing to On Air with Ryan Seacrest, and in a few moments I'll give you Julian Larson's new song for the _third_ time this morning. This exclusive raw material was given me anonymously this morning and speculations are already running wild on who the actor wrote this love song about. As no one has been able to reach Mr. Larson, and his publicist has no comment, fans have taken it into their own hands to guess and discuss who the recipient of his love can be. A quick browse through tumblr and twitter shows that Julian Larson's costar, Isabel Montero, is leading the polls by a landslide. We'll continue to try to figure this one out for you, but for now I'm just happy to play this beautiful lovesong that I reckon will be one of the biggest hits the coming weeks. I have never heard Julian sounding more emotional, he's really wearing his heart on his sleeve in this, and let me tell you that I for one, kind of hope that he won't put out a brushed up version of this song. Here it is, Julian Larson's "Loving Me".

Julian smirked thinking about the machinery that was the Dalton students. Hollywood couldn't have done a better or faster job of getting this song out than Bailey and Han did. They sure knew their respective crafts. In a few hours, the Caterpillar would put the song on the playlists of all the radio stations in the country.

As the raw but soft first tones of the song started playing, his phone rang for the gazillonth time since he landed at the Kansas airport. While he had ignored the previous calls, he found himself smiling as he picked up this one.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Cut the crap, Julian," he heard the voice on the other end, but the smile was evident even through the phone. "You mind telling me in advance the next time you're pulling a stunt like this?" Isabel Montero loved her beauty-sleep and being woken by journalists asking her how long she'd been seeing Julian Larson was not high on her list of great wake-up-calls.

"Sorry, Izzy!" the actor had the sense to sound sheepish. "It kind of was a spur of the moment thing. I haven't even been in touch with Carmen yet."

"Oh, I know," Isabel laughed. "Your normally levelheaded and charming publicist wasn't exactly at her best when she called me, asking me what I knew and ranting on about what exactly the point of having a publicist is. Luckily for you I didn't tell her anything."

"What? Izzy? What's that supposed..." But the actress interrupted him before he could finish.

"Ah, let's just say I have a suspicion about where you're headed. Tell Clark 'hi' for me, alright?"

"What? How? Uhm..." The ordinarily quick-witted Julian Larson was at a loss for words.

"Oh, come on, the way you two are behaving makes it obvious that there's something more than friendship under the surface. But don't worry, I don't think anyone besides 'tasha and I have noticed."

"Oh..."

"Haha, yes, oh... But, listen, I've got to run. I'll try my best to keep up the fort here in Tinsel Town, but you really ought to call Carmen soon. And you better keep me posted before this hits the news desks."

"Yeah, of course. Thank you for being such a great friend, Izzy. Love you."

"Love you too, hon. And that song was beautiful. Now, go get him."

Julian hung up with a smile and a chuckle. Wait, did he just chuckle? Julian Larson did _not_ do that. Man, what Clark did to him. He cracked up the volume and sped down the road, the wind whipping his longish oak brown hair back. He got more and more excited by the mile, and even let out a howl, happy that no one was around. He made a mental note not to guest any talk shows in the near future, afraid he'd pull a Tom Cruise if he did (he now to some degree understood what had possessed the famous actor that day, but that didn't mean he wanted to copy his behavior). Julian felt such a wonderful sense of freedom and happiness. Love. Such a small word. Four letters, one syllable. But the meaning of it... The impact on those who felt it...

He was so lost in his own joyful thoughts that he almost missed the turn-off to the Pearsons' ranch. He'd been there once before, at Corey's 21st birthday party, but had forgotten how pretty it was around here; the green fields stretching for miles, cows and horses grazing and the only sounds were birds chirping and the wind rustling through the trees. It was the complete opposite of Hollywood and so peaceful that it took his breath away.

_I run until I run right out of breath  
>And only a fool would run from what he knows is best<em>

As he entered the yard Julian was overwhelmed by a feeling of coming home. It wasn't that he felt at home at the ranch he'd been to only once before, but rather, he figured, that he was close to Clark. They say home is where the heart is, and to Julian the truth of that saying became evident as he realized he'd soon see the gorgeous, gracious guy that held his heart. He had been running between Hollywood and Dalton for three years and he was tired of feeling like he didn't belong anywhere. He was now hit by the fact that while he thought he had ran from and back to Logan, in reality he had ran to and from Clark, the one person who truly cared, the one person he could rely on no matter what.

It took a while before Julian noticed that it was unusually quiet at the ranch. He went to knock on the door but no one answered, he checked the barn and the stables, but they were empty. Only Corey's old retired Border Collie, Nero, was guarding the ranch. Julian went to sit and wait on a stack of hay bales, and Nero came to sit next to him, looking up at him with his head tilted and eyes wide, pleading the brunette boy to scratch him.

_For Without Your hand to guide I know  
>There's loneliness there's never growth<br>But still I try, I fail all on my own  
>But through it all<em>

The group of riders approaching the homestead an hour later, noticed the black shiny rental car from a distance. The cows had run away again, and they had been out for hours rounding them back in.

"Anyone expecting company?" While the rest of the boys realized that it must be Julian, Raven was a bit slow, and hadn't yet gotten the implication of the song they had heard on the radio that morning.

"Hey, Clark. I think you have a visitor," Michael yelled to the blonde who was walking his lame horse behind the others. The rest (except Raven, who wondered how they knew it was for Clark) turned around watching their friend's face light up.

"Let me take care of 'three-legs' over here," Corey offered as he turned his horse around and trotted back to get the chestnut horse, "and you can go ahead to meet Julian. I hope he hasn't been waiting long."

Haven was a close-knit group, and while the rest of the members had been surprised when Clark had told them a while ago that he was in love with his castmate from Something Damaged, they had been supporting. Well, Raven might not actually have comprehended anything about Clark's love life just yet, but the other three boys had been thrilled when they had heard "Loving Me" on the radio that morning. Raven just thought it was a great song.

Watching Clark run towards the yard, they smiled and awww-ed, until they unanimously turned to Raven with cries of "Oh, come _on_, you can't be _that _daft..." upon seeing his utterly confused expression.

As Clark's feet hit the gravel he slowed down to look around for Julian. _His_ Julian, he thought with a wide smile. The sight that met him as he rounded the corner of the barn had his heart doing a triple somersault. Julian was sleeping curled up on a hay bale, with Nero laying at his feet. A soft smile played on his full rosy lips and his oak brown bangs lay halfway over his eyes. He looked so peaceful and perfect, and Clark felt himself being pulled towards him. Nero lifted his head, and after what seemed like careful consideration, he rose and walked over to where Clark hunched down to scratch him. Clark sat there for a while watching Julian sleep, close, but never touching. He then went back to meet the rest, telling them to be quiet.

_You're loving me  
>It's Your grace that's so amazing<br>It's your loving me_

Julian stirred from his sleep to voices whispering close by, and sat up to see Corey and Sinclair walking a limping chestnut horse around in the paddock next to him. Apologizing for possibly waking him, they told him he could find Clark at the stables. As he walked towards the large red building, he understood why Corey loved it here. Julian had never been a country-boy, mainly because he had never been subjected to it growing up, but as he took in everything around him; the colors, the threes, the sounds of animals, the soft breeze and the smell of fresh hay (and okay, the not so alluring smell of manure), he could see how this served as a recreational place for Corey in between gigs.

He stopped at the entrance of the stables and leaned on the door-frame to watch Clark, much like he had done months ago hearing the popstar singing "Stolen hearts" for the first time. Julian stared, he couldn't help himself. Wearing boots, jeans, flannel and a cowboy-hat, Clark looked like a young Robert Redford, only ten times more handsome. The light coming through the window fell just right to embrace the blonde in a soft glow and Julian's breath hitched, making Clark look up. His eyes lit up at the sight of the younger boy, and they made their way towards each other.

"Hi," Clark took hold of Julian's hand, rubbing circles on his palm, which did nothing to stop the crazy backflips the brunette's heart was busy doing. His mind had trouble forming coherent thoughts and he only looked up and lost himself in Clark's glittering blue eyes.

"So, - that song," the older boy continued, "was pretty amazing."

Julian could feel his eyes actually starting to mist. Damn it, he wasn't that guy. "Well, yeah," he focused hard to get the words out, "you saved me. Knowing that you'd always be there for me was what got me through everything." Julian though back to when Clark had told him that it didn't matter how far away he went or for how long, - he could always come back.

_So open up any door for me  
>And watch me walk again<br>I give up all fear and reluctance to depend  
>And when I fall down again, Your rules they never bend<br>You pick me up anyway_

Clark moved his other hand up to cup his cheek and leaned in to touch Julian's lips with his own. Other couples would probably have used cliché metaphores like fireworks and unicorns to describe what the kiss felt like, but these two could only focus on each other. On how their bodies seemed to mold perfectly together. On how Clark's hand, thumb callused from guitar playing, felt on Julian's cheek. On how Julian's ghostlike breath on Clark's neck gave him goosebumps.

On how they both, having grown up in the entertainment industry and never had a place to belong, felt like they had finally come home.  
><em><br>Cause You're loving me  
>It's Your grace that's so amazing<br>You're loving me_

* * *

><p>AN: The story ends here. The second chapter is only a message for a friend. Thank you for reading my story.<p> 


	2. A second chapter for Jen

Author's note:

A second chapter for Jen, so she can rectify her mistake. Although I have rectified mine now, so her comment doesn't really make sense anymore... Haha.

_«It was only a sunny smile smile,_

_and little it cost in the giving_

_but like morning light_

_it scattered the night,_

_and made the day worth living.»_

You have made my life more beautiful, Sweetie Darling!

Oh, and there might not have been any bugs, but there definitely were thousands and thousands of flies feeding off the manure. And had I been even half as talented as Darren Criss I might have come up with a way to make that sound cute-sy romantic, but as it is all I can do is make it sound exactly what it is; disgusting. Haha.

Ah, what the heck, I'll give it a try:

"And as thousands of flies are feeding of the manure, I look up into the blue eyes of my handsome cowboy, and for the first time in forever I feel utterly secure."

...

* * *

><p>«We are more of who we are because of the connections we have made.» -Adéle Basheer-<p> 


End file.
